High expectations. Disappointment. Disheartened. Guilty. Shame. Disencouraged.
These are all things I felt last night. I went to the prophecy service with high hopes and expecting God to really move in my life. And when it didn't happen, I was disappointed. I felt discouraged because I could have used encouragement so much, but I didn't receive any. And then I felt guilty and ashamed for having these kinds of thoughts and feelings. I felt like, and still do feel like, I'm not special enough, or spiritual enough, or I don't stand out enough, to receive word. I went in with high hopes, and I came out with those hopes dashed. I hated that I came out of a church service, especially a special one, feeling discouraged because that's not what church is supposed to instill in you. When we left church, I had to keep humming worship songs to keep my stupid emotiona ltears from coming out. I did love worship though. I thought it was amazing.
So all in all, I did not enjoy last night's service very much. I hate to say it. All these emotions were coming at me and I didn't know what to do with them. I still don't. Pray, I suppose. Read the Word.
I have a living room and bedroom to clean.
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