Inspired

Man, I don't even know what day of the week it is. I gotta do somethin, instead of just sitting around watching YouTube all day.

I made a really dumb and rash decision about a week ago. I told Jon Burgio I wasn't going to NYC because I couldn't get all the money to him on time. But then, through encouragement and not feeling at peace with my choice, I emailed him again that same night and told him I still wanted to go, haha. And then things fell into place. I now know I have definitely collected enough support money to go. I'm really nervous. And excited. Between you and me, my fear was one of the reasons I was not going to go. Silly me, doubting God's provision. Something that really hit me was the fact that even though I doubted Him, He still provided a way for me to go financially. Even though I made a mistake, He still kept His promise to provide. Amazing, huh? Another thing that touched me was the fact that when I told my mom I wasn't going to go anymore, she got angry with me and then after I changed my mind back, she told me I had reacted too quickly, and I should have been patient in the first place instead of jumping the gun.

Every holiday (Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter) my uncle Tom used to say grace before our meal. Well, since he and my aunt recently got divorced, he hasn't been around for holidays. So for thanksgiving, my dad said grace, and then for Christmas, my mom asked me to. I felt honored and touched. And then after the meal, my dad told me I did a nice job and thanked me. :)

I have to say, looking back, this hasn't exactly been the best year for anyone in my family. It's been rough, and I know they are all hoping for a better and healthier year in 2012. My grandpa kept telling people that all he had wanted for Christmas was a new kidney, because his are failing and he has to go to dialysis 3 times a week. Not fun. But me, I just pray for them to put all their trust and fears in Jesus and find their strength and comfort in Him. It's not enough for them to talk the talk, they have to learn to walk the walk.

I've learned a lot this past year, about myself, and others, and God, and life, and none of it from my classes. I definitely think you learn the most through your own personal experiences.

I've experienced genuine appreciation, so I appreciate people more. I've experienced kindness, so I try my best to be more kind. I've experienced forgiveness, so I forgive easily. I've experienced true friendship, so I've learned how to be a better friend. I've experienced unity and disunity, so I've learned how important it is to remain unified. I've experienced selflessness, honesty, love, familial brokenness, joy, good food, bad food, selfishness, great pastors, jealousy, self-consciousness, self-doubt, confidence others have in me, happiness, I could go on and on. And everything I have experienced has shaped who I am, and I look forward to experiencing so much more this next year, and I pray that I can learn something from everything I experience, something that will bring me one step closer to being the person I want to be.

Pool of Thoughts

The BASIC Conference was awesome, as usual! Like the last conference, I didn't have any life changing experiences or anything spectacular happen to me. But this time, I was okay with it. I just took it all in and worshipped God. For me, it was just about relaxing in His presence and being reminded of His love. I loved the part about the desires of our heart. Mike Cavanaugh talked about how a lot of times, we ask God what He wants us to do with our lives, and He asks us what we want to do. We fail to realize that the desires of our heart are ones He put there. The desires we have in our heart are the ones He has for us. Cool, huh? I also realized that I had let some visions of my future fall to the wayside. And a lot of this weekend was about renewing those visions and creating goals.

Phil Wickham is amazing! And I am not saying that in a crazed fan girl way, but in a respectable way. I respect him so much as an artist, and I think his lyrics are so powerful and impacting. When talking to him, he was really humble and down to earth. He is also an amazing guitarist, and when he was singing, I felt the presence of God so strongly, he is such an anointed man of God.

This weekend, I watched 3 horror/thriller movies! I hate horror movies, haha. After watching Insidious, I slept with my light on all night. Yeah, it was bad.

I'm kind of upset that I was left out of the whole Syracuse trip thing on Saturday. Oh well, I suppose.

I really need to work on patience with a certain person. I find myself getting really annoyed and impatient around them, and I hate it. And I think it's starting to show more and more and they are starting to notice. Oops.

Watched HP 7.2 for the second time today, and I've decided I like it a lot! After the first time, I had no idea how I felt about it. McGonagall is my favorite Hogwarts professor.

I know this is kind of all over the place, but that's okay. Sometimes, ya just gotta be unstructured.

I'm graduating in a little over a month! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Too bad, I won't really be done until the end of January. :-/ I took too many English credits even though it's my major. What gives??? English is my major and I should be able to take as many English classes I want. Ugh. So the extra Eng credits I have, I have to make up for by taking the same amount in non-Eng credits. Since, I have 6 extra Eng credits, I have to take 2 non-Eng classes. Grrrrr.

I love the movie Hitch. So good! And it's not just because Will Smith is in it either :-P

Toodles.

My Bible doesn't have Numbers...can I have yours?

Lately, I feel kinda lonely in my new place. Especially when it's like 10 at night. I think I just miss the old apartment and how it was so full of life. I'm not saying my new house isn't...there's just less liveliness to this house than the other apt, because there's far less people living here. I guess I'm just having a really hard time adjusting right now. Not just with housing either, haha.

Today, me, Shonda, Nick and Kyle went to Ontario Orchards. None of them had ever eaten Croghan Bologna before, so I bought it, whil Nick bough some Concord grapes. We went to Rice Creek and walked along one of the trails until we reached the creek. We sat on some rocks where the creek wasn't flowing over and ate the bologna and grapes. It was really nice, even though it was humid and buggy. Before this though, there were a bunch of people over for brunch. Some of us sat in the living room and worshipped for like 3 hours. Worship in church today was very powerful, and so was worship in the living room. It was pretty awesome.

Tomorrow is Labor Day. No classes. I wanted to go to the store and buy ingredients to make cinnamon rolls, but the buses aren't running at all tomorrow. Oh well. Some other time.

I just ate toast. It was delicious.

Growing Up

It's my last semester here, assuming I pass all my classes. I hope I do. I'm graduating in December. That scares me so much. Almsot to the point of tears. But so many people have graduated and lived. I think I will too. Not knowing where my life is going is the scariest part. One question I have come to dread is "What do you want to do when you graduate?" My answer: "I have no idea. Get a job, and then see where else it goes." I always try to play it off as no big deal and joke about it. Truth is all this uncertainty makes me nervous. People keep telling me to start looking for jobs now. I know I should, but I really don't want to face the "real world." I don't really see how college prepares anyone for the real world.

I am the new BASIC Hospitality Coordinator for this semester. I know it's not a huge role, but it's something. It was perfect timing because I was really starting to feel like I didn't play a huge part in BASIC and I was starting to kind of feel insignificant. And now I get to play a slightly bigger role, which, to me, is very humbling. It was so great to see all the new people at BASIC yesterday. I just pray they all come back next week, and that even more come! I got to talk to pretty much everyone, which I was proud of myself about. Not in a "Look at me, I'm so awesoem way," though. I was proud because a year or two ago, I would not have had the courage to talk to all the new people. But I did. :)


I think I'll keep the rest of the stuff I wanted to write about to myself for now. Toodles!

The Boy from Heaven

I read this other book called "The Boy from Heaven." It's about this guy, Kevin, who has a wife and three kids. One day Kevin was driving home with his son, Alex, who was 6 at the time. The y got into a car accident and they had to rush Alex to the hospital because he was seriously injured. Most people thought he was going to die. There were others however who kept saying they firmly believed God was going to heal Alex completely. He isn't completely healed yet, but he is a long way from where he was. The book focuses on how Alex went to Heaven right after the accident and saw God and angels. He also describes what Satan and demons look like. I can't remember much but I remember reading that Satan was green with three heads and fire for hair and how each head whispered different lies. That whole section kind of freaked me out, so I'm going to stop talking about it, haha. Anyway, these are just a few of my favorite quotes and excerpts from this book.

Kevin: “Self-pity imprisons us in the walls of our own self-absorption.” Pg 79

Kevin: “The prime target of the enemy is nighttime, when our minds and physical bodies are trying to rest. But the Spirit never sleeps.” Pg 65

Kevin: “There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.” Pg 66

Alex had to have major surgery to get his spine straightened. During recovery in the hospital, all he cared about was whether the medical staff had a personal relationship with Jesus or not.

“Do any of you have a personal relationship with God?”
“I do,” one person said….when he was finished, one of the medical people smiled and said, “Alex, you are amazing.”
Alex responded, “God is amazing. I’m just a kid.” Pg 208

Kevin went home at one point with the other kids and there was a huge snowstorm that caused a power outage. So Kevin took the kids and went to his sister in law's for a couple days. While they were gone, a huge tree fell on their house. This is how Kevin's dad responded to the news. I think it's amazing.

Kevin's dad: "When Kevin called back and told me about the tree on the house, my first response was to laugh-not a laugh of callousness, but a laugh of joy at the goodness of God. I truly mean that. For me, the question isn’t, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” but “Why does anything good happen at all?” We certainly don’t deserve it. I told Kevin, “First, consider that the power went out. What a great blessing. Had it not gone out, Kevin, you would have been in the house with the kids when the tree struck the roof. Second, you badly needed to replace your roof anyway. Now you’ll get a brand new one, and your insurance is going to pay for it! And third, I have a question, Kevin: Which trees were taken down in this storm? All the weak ones! The strong trees are still standing. You’ve received a natural pruning, making your property safer and healthier, leaving the strong trees for your family to enjoy. By next July, you won’t be able to tell a single tree was taken down.” Pg 75

Chasing Fireflies

So I read this other book by Charles Martin called, “Chasing Fireflies.” Like the other book of his that I blogged about, this one amazed me so much! I really like the way he writes and brings his characters to life. I decided to do the same thing I did last time and just give you a few excerpts from his book.

First of all, it’s about a journalist named Chase Walker who was adopted by “Uncle Willie aka Unc” and “Aunt Lorna” when he was 7 years old. Before then, he had no idea who his real parents were or where he came from. At one point when Chase is still young, him and Unc go fishing and Chase ends up underwater trapped by tree roots. Unc dives in and spends three minutes freeing him. When they are both on shore, Chase asks Un why he did it, and his reply was “’Cause, Chase, nothing…not one thing…compares to you.” It just made me think of how God feels about us. We are all unique and special and God made us that way for a reason.
The story also follows a physically abused boy who has also grown up not knowing who his real parents are or anything. All he’s ever known is foster homes and orphanages, until he meets Chase (who’s current job assignment is to write the story of the boy), Unc and Lorna. A district attorney has been assigned his case and in the beginning she fears getting too lose to the boy will not be helpful if ever his real parents show up. Unc tells her, “I appreciate what you’re doing, and I understand why. I really do. Were I in your shoes, I’d do the same. And you’re right…the possibilities in that boy’s future may hurt us. May hurt a lot. But I’m no stranger to the rain. It’s the hurting that makes it right…makes it worth doing.” I just think the writing is beautiful and can really make the emotions of the characters feel real.

Unc and Chase are sitting outside watching fireflies. Unc says: “Scientists say that these things evolved this way over millions of years.” He shook his head. “That’s a bunch of bunk. I don’t think an animal can just all-of-a-sudden decide it wants to make light grow out its butt. What kind of nonsense is that? Animals don’t make light.” He pointed to the stars. “God does that. I don’t know why or how, but I’m pretty sure it’s not chance. It’s not some haphazard thing he does in his spare time…Chase, I don’t believe in chance…this is not chance, and neither are the stars…And neither are you. So, if your mind is telling you that God slipped up and might have made one giant mistake when it comes to you, you remember the firefly’s butt.” It’s an interesting way of going about things, but I think he gets his point across pretty well. God doesn’t make mistakes. He makes treasures.

Chase’s “cousin”, Tommye (yep, that’s how it’s spelled), describes a dream she had to him: “I was standing inside a huge lighthouse. The stairwell spiraled around the inside of the walls of the lighthouse, and it was packed with people like me. Each stood in line, looking up toward the front where people were getting ready to meet whoever was up there. While they waited, they fussed over the pages in a book. Some looked like huge scrapbooks, while others looked like spiral notebooks. Everyone was working furiously, like kids trying to finish their homework before class. But I didn’t have one. Every now and then we’d get to move up a step, closer to the top. I could see a man, maybe the lighthouse keeper, sitting at a desk reading the books handed to him. If he liked the story, he smiled and placed it gently on the shelf behind him. The shelves went on for miles. Pretty, gilded books. Leather bindings. Gold leaf. But he didn’t like every book. And the ones he didn’t like, he pitched down through th middle of the lighthouse. They fluttered down and landed in a huge fire that was mounded high as a house…then I felt something in my hands and looked down to find a book in them. I opened it and found the story of me. And I didn’t like it. Talk about depressing. I nearly pitched it in the fire myself. But then I got to the end, and the last few pages were empty. I looked up front and the line was moving sort of slow, so I figured I still had time. And…I knew the story I wanted to write. So I raised my hand. Everyone looked at me like I’d lost my mind, but what did I have to lose? I’d already been dead. So I said, ‘Sir, you’re not gonna really like the story I’ve written, but if I could fill in these last few pages, you might...Can I go write these last few pages and come back when I’m done?’ He studied me, then smiled and nodded.” Tommye, when she was younger, had run off to California to become an actress. She was in a few commercials and then turned to “adult movies” in order to make a living. She also ended up heavy into drugs. It’s never too late to change your story and make it something to be proud of and not ashamed of. There is so much life to live. We can’t waste it sitting around doing nothing, you know?

Unc decides to explain to the boy just how special he is, as well. First, he explains how Michelangelo would create sculptures from rock and how Michelangelo would say the sculpture was there, it was just waiting to be let out. He goes on to say, “Inside you is a thing worth putting on a pedestal. –worth putting out there for all the world to see. That piece of rock might have been knocked around, roughed up a bit, considered scrap, and thrown on the trash pile…but that’s only because they don’t know what’s on the inside. They can’t see like Michelangelo. Cause, if they could, they’d know that there’s something in there that’s just waiting to jump out. Like there is inside you.”

Now it’s Unc describing a dream he had, “…I had this dream that my life was a rolling canvas. Everyday, it rolled off the sheet, bleached white, onto the beach of my life. Come sunup, I’d begin to paint it over with thoughts and actions. My breathing, my living, and my dying. Some days the pictures pleased me, maybe even pleased others, pleased God Himself, but some days, some months, even some years, they didn’t, and I didn’t ever want to look at them again. But the thing is this…everyday, no matter what I’d painted the day before, I got a new canvas, washed white. Cause each night, the tide rolled in scrubbed it clean, and receded, taking the stains with it. And in my dreams….I just stood on the beach and watched all that stuff wash out to sea…No canvas is ever stained clean through.” I don’t know about you, but this part inspires and encourages me so much. Isn’t amazing how we are given a tomorrow to start over, erase the mistakes from our past. Every day is a new gift, that’s why it’s called the “present” :)

From out of the heart, the mouth speaks

Here are a few more excerpts from the book, When Crickets Cry.

Tme main character and his wife are praying together before bed,

Husband: "...if you're all out of options, then let's give Emma my heart. It's a good strong one."
After the prayer, Emma (his wife): "You can't give what you don't have."
Husband: "But--,"
Emma: "You already gave it to me."

So sweet!

This one is a little longer. The husband is talking to a kid who is looking at porn magazines.

Husband: "Your mind imprints images, especially that kind, on the heart, so that ten and fifteen years down the road, when you're married and trying to make something out of your life, thye come drifting back, bubbling up and reminding you how much greener the grass is outside your own bed. I have loved one woman in my lifetime...she's been gone five years, but, I've got enough memories to last a lifetime, and I wouldn't sell you a single one for every picture in every magazine around the world. And you know something-the ones where she has her clothes on are worth just as much as the ones without," "Love is no tool; neither is a woman's heart."

Kid: "I think you need to test drive a few cars before you buy one."

Husband: "You can buy that lie if you want, but if you're working for a bank, you don't study the counterfeit to know the real thing. You study the real thing to know the counterfeit," "From out of the heart, you speak. You put that crap in your heart, and you can't help but find it coming out your mouth. It'll color and flavor your whole person. Pretty soon, it'll eat you up."

I finished this book and absolutely loved it and can't wait to read more by this author, Charles Martin. So good!

When Crickets Cry

I'm currently reading this book. It's Christian fiction, and really good so far. It's about this guy who had a wife who had heart problems and died. It centers around his life and this little girl he helped who got hit by a truck, and also has heart problems. In his town, there's a guy, Davis, who owns this bar and grill type of place. Davis went to a monastery for five years. The outside of his bar has signs that promise "cold beer," "naked women," and "adult toys." However, when you get inside, there's nothing like that. His beer is watered down, and he serves underage people with fake id's non-alcoholic beer without them realizing it until they notice they aren't getting drunk like they're expecting to. His bar is covered with chalkboards with the Ten Commandments and Bible Verses. His cocktail napkins have Bible Verses printed on them. He holds Bible Studies every Tue/Thur/Sun. The main character talks about how he isn't sure if Davis' way of drawing people in is right or wrong. I was thinking about it. I also can't decide if it's right or wrong. I mean, it seems like he's tricking people into coming to his bar. But, he has successful results. Do the results make it right to trick people? I'll have to think on that one.

A few excerpts from the book that I really like:

Davis: "The people who are really thirsty aren't going to church on Sunday. they're driving around this lake, running from their secrets, looking for a good, quiet, fill-your- stomach place to eat. Trying to fill that God shaped hole with a bigger house, another boat, a second mistress, whatever. So let's take the bucket to them. Speak to the heart, and the head will follow. And the fastest way to the heart is through the stomach. I want to get in the business of making God-shaped cheeseburgers."

Right before that, the main character was talking about the woman at the well, "Yet, He spoke to her and loved her despite all the baggage she brought with her. Something about how he treated her was magnetic, because she wanted to be there. Like all of us, she was thirsty, and when He pulled that bucket up just spilling over with clear, cool water, she shoved her whole face in it and sucked it dry."

A little later on, the main character and a few other guys are in Davis' bar talking to a stranger who's having a hard time believing he's been tricked into drinking non-alcoholic beer. He goes to the bathroom and Davis says to the guys, "People dying of thirst in a desert will do just about anything for even one sip of water, And that kid"-he pointed toward the bathroom-"is parched."

It's easy to see that Davis is really passionate about leading people to Christ. I'm just not sure if I agree with the way he does it. People eventually find out his tricks, and they still come to his Bible Studies and bar. I dunno. Anyone got any thoughts?

Not of this World

Hello there. Been awhile. That's okay.

So, I'm at camp. And right now, there's very few people here. More will be coming this weekend, but not many more, like 5 or 6. I've been thinking a lot about the people here and the relationships I have with them. I've realized that I don't really fit in to the whole group. I mean, people like me and they include me in things, but when it comes to really connecting, it just doesn't happen. This is my 4th summer here, and I don't really know much about any of them. Granted, some of them are only on their 2nd or third summer. Everyone is so much more outgoing than me, and so much more adventurous. Like jumping off cliffs into water, or hiking around on some big hill covered in woods and forestation. I like hiking, don't get me wrong, but they are so much faster and less clumsy than me. I'm trying to explain it, but I don't really know how. With my Oz friends, especially the girls, we have no problem hugging each other or being goofy like that. With the girls here at camp, they are like that with each other, but I don't feel close enough to them to act like that around them. I think a big part of the issue is that most of the staff here were FFA members and even State Officers (officers of New York FFA as a whole, not just in a school district). And I wasn't, so that's already one strike against me.

I also think it also has to do with the fact that no one really knows how to interact with a "quiet" person. Here, I am so much more quieter. I just have a harder time relating to people here. I think it also has to do with the fact that a lot of the staff drinks and find humor in vulgarity and sexual jokes and references, and then you have me, a Christian who chooses not to go down that road. I know I wasn't made to fit in and be in the world, but it's still kind of hard.

I was listening to Pastor Carter's Burn Series, and in one of the sermons, he talks about submitting to God, and to your spouse. Honestly, I didn't really ever know what it meant to "submit your will." But the way Pastor Carter explained it helped me understand it a lot better. He gave two examples, one to show that agreeing is not submitting, and then one to show how a person submits their will.

Ex 1: Husband: "Let's go to Denny's, honey."
Wife: "Okay!"

Ex 2: Husband: "Let's go to Denny's, honey."
Wife: "I'd rather stay home and have a meal here, but if it's on your heart to go to Denny's then I will go."

in the first example, the wife didn't submit her will, because she was in agreement, and it was her desire to go too. In the second example, the wife didn't really want to, but she chose to. She submitted her will to her husband. I used to think negatively about submission, as do many women, I assume. But in reality, it's nothing negative. So, when we are submitting our will to God, we are laying down our own desires to do what pleases Him. Pretty neato, huh? I think so. :-D

If Nobody Believed in You

Great country song. Don't hate. Sometimes, all it takes is for someone to say, "I believe in you." I think deep down, all we want/need is for someone to just love us and believe in us. I know that God loves us and believes in us, but we were meant to be encouragers and encouraged by our fellow brothers and sisters. Me, Kyle, Bridgette, Lisa and Nan went to the International Day Celebration. All I have to say about that is iFail. I was all excited and ready, and then once I got there, I just couldn't bring myself to talk to any internationals. What is wrong with me? Ugh. How is it that something that brings most people happiness just brings me mostly fear and sadness? I can't quite figure it out. The BASIC Conference is this weekend. I am going in with absolutely no expectations. That way, there is no room for disappointment, but there is room for the opportunity for me to be pleasantly surprised.

Tiredness at 12:57 am

I feel like such a failure. Like I've let everyone down. I'm ready to give up on this, but I know I made a commitment and I have to stick to it. I feel like because we're halfway through the end of the semester, my efforts are going to be fruitless anyway.

Prayer on Monday night was really good. It was like God was speaking to me directly through Kdee. It was definitely a Holy Spirit filled night.

I can't help but think about the end of the semester and how quite a few people are leaving. I am honestly scared for them, and scared that friendships are going to die off. I don't want that to happen, not to any of them.

Chickenfest

I hate the "reputation" I have. The one where I am known to tell everyone about everything. I know I do tend to talk a lot, but not as much as people think. I do know I have to change this though. The song that comes to mind for me is "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been." I hate that this is the way people have come to view me. I mean, how can I expect anyone to trust me if they think I'm just going to go and gossip about them? Can't say I blame 'em. Another part of this reputation is that I'm always sleeping or look like I'm sleeping or whatever. This isn't the case at all. Friday night, I was getting a tad annoyed because people kept telling me to wake up. At Bible Study, it was the same. Just because I wasn't very talkative didn't mean I was sleeping and I hate that that's the first thing peole assume. I had a lot on my mind and didn't feel like contributing to the conversation.

I feel drawn to Natalie. I can't explain it. I just feel this need to sort of protect her and make sure she feels welcome in our group. Honestly, I feel kind of big sisterly toward her. It's interesting. I pray she can find her way to God again and never leave His side.

Tomorrow, my youngest sister turns 14. I remember when we were both younger and in the morning, it would be my job to get her up and dressed for school. It's crazy to think that next year she is going to be in high school!

Okey dokey. Less procrastinating, more homework doing.

Enchanted

This V-Day was interesting for me, to say the least. "Maybe it was wishful thinkin', probably mindless dreamin'." Yeah.

Today, we handed out Jesus Grams in the Campus Center. It was really cool. I was there during a slow time, so I didn't get to interact with as many people as others. But that's okay. It was kind of saddening to see everyone walking by, not paying attention to what was going on around them. They were like robots. Too focused on their phones or Ipods to really care about what was happening outside of their technological world. Is this how "society" wants the younger generations to live life? I certainly hope not, and I certainly don't want to live that way.

There seems to be quite a few people whose families are being touched by the Lord. It's so exciting!!!! I kind of get envious. Why can't that happen with my family already? I know everything happens on God's time, but it's still a little frustrating.

There is so much stuff inside me. Stuff I keep locked up, because I'd rather no one else see any of it. Just things we are dealing with, me and God. Lately, he has convicted me so much about one thing that I really need to keep in check. Something that I need to work on, because if I don't, I fear losing friendships with people. Friendships I hold dear to me. Maybe I should just carry a roll of duct tape around with me, if you catch my drift.

The end.

Midnight Wanderings

For some reason, I thought with a new semester, a new year, things would change. Silly me. Nothing has. I don't know why I'm not used to this by now. I should be. I'm not. Is it jealousy? I don't want to think so. I think it's just annoyance. It seems like everyone had fun tonight. I'm kinda sad and slightly jealous that I missed out because I had to work stupid latenight. It almost feels as if everyone is bragging. I know they're not and I'm dumb for thinking it, but this is what I'm feelin' at the moment. Take it or leave it.

My stomach has been on the fritz today. It's been so weird and all over the place, hungry, full, nauseated, weird. I don't really think I have anything else I want to add, but I hate to leave this so short. Me and Lisa have a small date tomorrow afternoon, at the Tea Company. This has been a LONG time coming, let me tell you!

I'm eating leftover Wonton House. I wish I knew what I was doing next year, housing wise, and after I graduate. Something I just cannot fathom right now.

Yeah. So there ya have it.

Like Math, Only Better

I have had this recurring theme in my life over the past two or three years. I kept bringing something to God, and I thought I had it all figured out. But then tonight, I was feeling rather mopey and all woe is me. I didn't really let it show, but I knew I couldn't just sit here and do nothing while so many feelings, such as jealousy and annoyance, swirled around in my heart and many thoughts (mostly negative) threatened to consume every part of my brain. So I went to my room and had a nice, long, refreshing chat with God. He showed me that as long as I stay focused on Jesus and not on anyone or anything else, everything would fall into place, maybe not everything, but whatever I was struggling with at the moment. I know it sounds really cliche, but this time was different. I feel like something I thought I knew has been shown to me in a completely new light, giving me a fresh look on things. I also find it really encouraging and I find my spirit renewed and re-energized. Do I make any sense? Eh. It matters not to me, haha.

Monopoly

I was getting ready to post a blog post I wrote about feelings and stuff. Well, I didn't technically write it. It was just mainly various song lyrics by one particular artist. Lyrics that I find apply to my life. And then I received a Facebook message from my best friend (you know who you are ;) ) and it was encouraging and I decided the post wasn't going to do anyone any good. And it was an exhausted subject anyway, one people probably get tired of hearing about. So it was ixnay on the ostpay. And that's all I really wanted to say. Oh, and the blank post I have? That was an accident. I had accidentally hit enter instead of shift, like I wanted to. Oopsies. Goodday, mate!

It's hard to believe I'm 22

Yesterday was my birthday. I think it was one of the best birthdays I have ever had. Don't get me wrong, I did miss my family. There was something new and exciting about having it here in Oswego though. I wasn't really expecting anything out of my day, except church. Most of you already know what I did and what I got and such, but I just wanted to type it out. Reflect on it, ya know? Saturday night, I felt really bad. I went over to the boys' side to see if Ryan wanted to play a game. I had no idea what he he was doing. Turns out he was in the beginning stages of making me a cake. Oopsies. For the rest of the night, it was referred to as a "ham." It was actually very amusing. We did end up playing The Game of Things. I went into my room and there was a box with three pairs of purple earrings in it :-D Thanks, Shonda! I was not tired at all and it took me a good half hour to fall asleep.



Thre next day, yesterday, we all got up and got ready and went to church. Btw, Tasha had spent the night :D After church, I got to pick where we went to eat. I hadn't really thought of anywhere I wanted to go. I didn't want a chinese buffet, I didn't want Friendly's or anything like that, no McDonald's. And then it hit me...The Oswego Tea Company! Anthony and Annette and Justin ended up joining us. And then, Annette had went to check out the brownies and came back to the table with a waitress holding a chocolate/whipped cream dessert with a candle in it. Needless to say, I was sang to by everyone who had come with us (Shonda, Spink, Ryan, Kdee, Tasha, Becky and the DiPierro's). I was very surprised, but felt so loved. And then Shonda, bless her heart, paid for my meal :) After some of us went to Price Chopper, we all went back to the apartment to hang out, except Tasha. She went back to her place.

Eventually, the cake was brought out and we all ate some. Then I got Stitch! I saw him in the Carousel Mall last weekend and wanted him really badly, but didn't really have the money, so I didn't. But Ryan and Kdee did! :-D The rest of the night consisted of Wii (in which I won during a Cup race, which never happens!!!), eating a yummy pasta dinner and watching Lilo and Stitch. I think I've gotten soft hearted in my old age because I cried at certain parts, which has also never happened during this movie, haha. And then it was bedtime. All in all, I had a wonderful day and I am so thankful for everyone who was here to celebrate with me, and also those who weren't.

Also, yesterday I was asked to help Rob Lawry with an international Bible Study he wants to start. I'm really excited and a little nervous. I'm glad I finally get to help out with something like this.

Happy Birthday to me!