You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter

I'm back in Oswego after being home for a week. It was really nice being home. There was one point where me and my mom kinda argued, but it didn't last long. They asked me what I wanted to do when I graduated. THat question never gets old, haha. I told them all I really wanted to do was missions. They want me to check out the Americorps because they will be able to help me pay off student loans. I don't think they realize I don't want to get paid doing God's work. I just want to give it all up and follow Him wherever He wants me to go. They just don't want me to have to rely on other people to support me in doing missions. I know they just love me and want the best for me, which is understandable. My dad said last night, he's always telling my mom how much he misses me. My mom knows I don't have much food here at the apartment, so she sent me back with some fruit and granola bars and sausage and bacon and a cake mix and some of those Pasta Sides things. Bless her heart.

Yesterday was Christmas, for those who didn't know :-P My siblings and I didn't get a lot because of financial problems. But it was perfectly fine with me. I honestly didn't care about the presents. I appreciate them, don't get me wrong, but if I hadn't gotten any, I would have been perfectly okay with it. Christmas just isn't the same for me anymore. Sure, it might be because I am older and wiser, haha, but I don't think that's it. I'm just not satisfied with it, and I want it to be much more meaningful for me and my family. I mean, it is meaningful, but I want it to be more special. I don't know.

I'm here by myself right now. I don't mind it at the moment, but I know later on, when I get tired of the silence, it's going to be a little harder. I'll probably start talking to myself, haha. Not really. I got my Itunes going, so I think I'll be okay. And if worst comes to worst, I'll just talk to God :) He's sure to listen!

As I go through older blog posts, I see how much I have changed and matured. Well, I think I have, haha. Honestly though, it's ahrd to believe that it was ME who wrote those posts. Sometimes I ask myself, "Who was that person??" There are things I've written that I don't think I would write today. There are emotions that would drive me to write a post, but not anymore. Anger was a big one. I've realized it's not good for me to write a blog post when I'm angry. Maybe if it's rightous anger, yes. Like anger towards Satan or something, but if it's anger towards a person, it's best for me to not write it here. Censorship saves lives! Actually, no. It just sounded fun to say :-D

Tomorrow, I am going grocery shopping. I have $55 worth of Walmart gift cards. Shopping spree! Today, though, I relax and do nothing except unpack and shower. Fun stuff!

Facebook statuses that didn't make the cut

I have huge motivation problems.

It seems as if history is beginning to repeat itself. I sure hope not.

I can honestly say I cannot wait to go home and get away for a few days.

Sometimes, I just can't help but do a huge eye roll.

Confused? That's okay. You don't have to understand. Only I do.

Good day.

I always try too hard to think of titles

It is finally winter in Oswego. Yes it is. I was excited about it at first, but now I jsut want it to be over already, haha. It is beautiful though. I've realized that the sky, the sun, the moon and the stars are my favorite part of God's creation. I am always so awestruck by the bright sunsets, and sunrises, and then the subtle, darker night sky with the moon and stars shining brightly (if it's not cloudy). And sometimes, even the clouds add to the amazing beauty. Yeah. Not sure what brought that on, but oh well. Jsut thought I'd share.

Continuing forward, people need to start sleeping in their own beds. I don't care who it is or what their excuse is, it's just not cool. Things like that can reflect badly on us as Christians, get people who don't know us well thinking negatively about who we are and whether we really believe what we say we do or not. Enough said on that.

I was sitting in my Sophomore Seminar, one of the most boring classes I have ever had, and I was lost in my own thoughts. All of a sudden, I came to a wonderful realization. It was actually because this girl was talking about something that happened when she was in the ROTC. It made me think back to high school, when I was exploring future paths after graduation. At the time, I was the goody two shoes and pretty much did whatever my parents said. They decided to have me look into joining the ROTC, so that afterward, I would be able to get a free college education. So one day, there was a recruit at my school and my mom and I went to talk to him. Come to find out, I weighed too much to join. I have always struggled with my weight, and I've always been self-conscious of it. But in class today, it hit me that at that moment in time, my being on the heavier side was a blessing. Why, may you ask? Let me tell you. Because if I had been able to join, who knows where I'd be now, but it probably wouldn't be right here, sitting in this crowded computer lab, reflecting on God's blessings. I probably wouldn't be saved, and what not. But because I couldn't join due to my weight, I am sitting here in this crowded computer lab, saved and reflecting on God's blessings in my life. How about that?

There's this wonderful book I'm reading, whose title shall remain anonymous. I was talking to Lisa about it and how I wished everyone could read it. And I said something about how it would be cool if there was a book study on it or something. And she said, "Well, maybe you're the one who's supposed to lead the book study." I found it really interesting. I usually hate discussion groups, let alone having to lead one. But I'm learning to keep different windows of opportunity open because you never know what God is going to do in your life. Maybe He does want me to, maybe He doesn't. It's definitely something I will be praying about.

On anything else I might have to say, I plead the 5th. Good day ladies and gents.