Feel free to ignore this post

I can't wait to go back to camp. I haven't enjoyed my weekend at all. Everyone's always yelling at each other. My siblings, they act like they hate each other. My parents try controlling my 23 yr old sister who lives at home. I feel no love and it saddens me. I know what I should do, it's a matter of actually doing it. I'm not looking for pity or anything like that. I just need somewhere to let off steam and this is the only place I can. Everyday someone is mad at someone else in my family. I can't take it. I need to get away, so I'm glad I'll be at camp most of the summer. I can only handle my family for so long. That's all I have to say. Bye.

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth...

Ok, now I've broken a record, two weeks without blogging! And Facebook!! And I survived!! :-D So, what have I been doing? Working, working, working. But it makes time fly, it really does. So at work there's another dishwasher I work with and her name is Jessica. She is a lil ditzy. And I was so not looking forward to working with her until God showed me that she's been placed in my life to help learn to have patience and not get so easily fed up with people. I know it's gonna be tough but I think I can do it, I mean she's a nice person, just I don't know. And I've also realized she's there as a reminder not to be quick to judge. I am so proud of myself. I have read my Bible everyday for the past month or so, I think I missed two days at most. However, I'm struggling with how to actually study it and learn from it. And when I do learn something, I have a hard time remembering what I learned and how to apply it to my daily life. Oh well, I'm sure I'll figure it out. I bought this book called "The Wednesday Letters." It was AMAZING!! I suggest it to everyone especially you lovely ladies, it's short so it's a quick read. But it's all about God's forgiveness and how important it is to forgive others. I love it! And it helped me see that no matter how many times I screw up, God still loves me, I just need to learn how to love myself enough that temptation can't help but loosen it's hold on me. That Satan can't help but give up control of my thoughts. Yes, one day I will be truly free and I desperately cling to that belief and desire.



So I've found out that my younger sister, Krystal, believes I don't care about my family at all and all I care about is God and Nick. Ok, first of all, of course I love God over my family, although I'm pretty sure she doesn't know that that's how it's supposed to be. Second of all, my family definitely comes second. Actually, I've learned that God doesn't want to be a priority, He just wants to always be in our lives, He doesn't want a little of our time, He wants ALL of our time! And after everything He's done for us, who can blame Him? Anyway, back to my little rant, she also made the comment that I like Nick, but he doesn't like me, like that at least. Which really makes me mad because she has no idea what we talk about or anything, not to mention I'm 94.372841% sure she's wrong. Ok, enough about that. For those of you who live in a bubble, live sheltered lives, or just don't know, Michael Jackson is dead. I know this might sound kinda mean, but I don't really care. I'm not sure how I feel, I know I should feel sad, but I don't. However, I also don't feel happy about it, I'm not that unfeeling, well I don't think I am. I'm just like, "Ok, he's dead." I dunno. I think I've run out of things to talk about. Ok, I just want to say one more thing regarding the whole divorce idea. I don't think people should be worried about getting married. Because part of the beauty of it is taking that risk and surrendering your heart to "the one" (hopefully) and trusting them not to break it or shatter it to pieces. I think that's part of the whole process. And even if things do start getting rocky, I think any marriage can be salvaged, just watch the movie "Fireproof." I know it's just a movie, but I'm also pretty sure couples go through that same situation everyday. I mean, it's not like I'm using Twilight as an example... :-) I bet you guys get sick of reading such long posts, but it's been two weeks!!! Well, I hope I didn't bore you too much. Love you all!!!!

<3 Dee

Scarred for Life

This is my first blog post in almost a week! I think that's a new record for me. So this past week at camp, I think I cleaned more than I ever have in my life. I dusted off windowsills and doorframes, swept many, many floors, and then mopped those many, many floors. And I painted the wals of a small cabin. And I cleaned bathrooms, one of which had a dead mouse in the toilet. I made soup with it, it tasted almost as good as Ramen Noodles. Only two interesting things have happened to me this week. First, my computer broke. I dropped ir and now the screen is all black and has bright colors, doesn't do anything except make annoying beepy noises whenever I hit a key, which I did often the other night cuz I was mad at it, so I was pounding on the keys. I thought maybe it eould magically work but nope. So one of the camp staff offered to see me his laptop, which is much nicer than mine was, but I have ot wait until the end of summer to buy it. The other thing, which has left me scarred occurred the other night when we were coming back from the best ice cream place in the world, Wishy's. There are three guys and five girls at camp right now. The three guys were in a truck ahead of us girls in a car. They sped up and were way ahead of us. Well, when we caught up to them, it was quite a sight. The two guys not driving were standing in the truckbed, with their shorts and undergarments pulled down aroud their ankles. The driver of our car put on the brakes because she was laughing so hard and couldn't believe what she was seeing. Neither could I, but I also didn't find it quite as funny. I've been spending so much time reading my Bible, and Purpose Driven Life and Lady in Waiting:Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right. A book I recommend to all single Christian ladies :-) Especially those who find it hard to wait on God. I know I'm under that category but I'd like to think I'm getting better with it every day. PDL has also taught me a lot about life and such. Today is my parents' 11th anniversary!! Can you believe it? I can't. Sunday is Father's Day, I haven't bought my dad a card yet, oops. Maybe I'll write him a nice little poem or letter. My brother's in NYC, actually he's on his way home right now, he'll be home at 2 am. Then my dad has to go pick him up from school. I'm 20 and I've NEVER been to NYC. Kinda sad. Oh well, I don't think I'm much of a cityslicker anyway. Country bumpkin all the way. Ok, one thing that's been bugging me, actually the past half-hr, are people who always seem upset. Whethre they're depressed about one thing, or angry at someone, or angry about something that happened, or bummed about this, sad about that. I just want to scream and tell them to get over it! Seriously, your life cannot be that bad. You have Jesus! What could be better? I know, I've had my bad days, but I bounce back, at least I think I do. But others are like that all time, always finding something or someone to complain about. I'm sorry, but a Christian should not tell their own family member they hate them. It's wrong and very un-Christlike and I know I'm not supposed to judge but seriously. Idk. I probably sound hypocritical right now or something. And I just want to say I am not referring to anyone reading this, so please do not get mad at me. I just needed somewhere to vent about it. So I chose here. Anyway, I am sooooo happy to be home. It gets lonely at camp, especially when your puter breaks so your only means of communication is non long-distance phone calls. It is so hard but so far, time seems to be going fast. Oh! Guess what??!! Praise thy Father who art in Heaven! I only need 1400 to come back to Oz now! I am so happy because that's about what I'll make this summer. Yay!!!!!!! I excited. By the way, there is one beautiful lady who promised to come see me before she went to China. I would be a very sad person if she didn't :-( I would be very heartbroken. Just so ya know. Um, I think I'm done ranting and rambling, as I seem to do everytime. Guess that just goes to show how random and completely arbitrary my thoughts are. Thank you for tuning in tonight to Dee's blog. Stay tuned for the next exciting post, which will not occur for quite some time. Goodnight. And Goodluck.

<3 Dee

P.S. I dunno, I wanted to put something inspirational here but nothing comes to mind.
Be cool. Stay in school.

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Tomorrow morning I leave for camp. I can't believe how fast time is flying! And I don't know when I'll be able to blog next. On Thursday night, my dad decided to surprise my mom by bringing me and my sibs to the hospital to see her. We made signs that said "We Love You Mom." We stood outside her door so she couldn't see us and held up the signs in the door. She loved it :-) We visited with her for a little while but then we had to go to my brother and sister's chorus concert. It saddened me to leave because I knew she wished she could go with us or that we could've stayed longer. I had a hard time holding my tears back. Later that night she was talking to my dad on the phone and my dad said he couldn't sleep well the night before because it felt weird not having my mom laying next to him. That really touched my heart and got me thinking how if it's God's will, if and when I'm married, I would want my husband to miss me like that when I'm gone, ya know? But, my mom came home Friday night. She's still in pain and often needs to use a walker to get around. She won't be going back to work tomorrow, not sure when she'll be able to. The doctor said she has a herniated disk, whatever that is. I know it's painful and my dad has had them before. Today, my mom told me she called her friend, Ruthie, who is coming soon with her pastor so he can lay his hands on her back and pray for healing. Hearing this made me super excited! My dad thinks she's crazy but I definitely don't think she is and neither does she. Actually, as I was typing this, the pastor came with his wife. My mom, grandparents, neighbor (Kathy), the pastor and his wife and Ruthie stood in a circle around my mom and prayed for her. I kinda feel bad because I didn't join the circle, I just wouldn't have felt right. Idk. Now we just gotta let God do his thang ;-) Now I'm just hangin out with my fam, procrastinating on packing for camp. I have lots of books to read this summer, which'll be good when I have downtime. So me and 12 year old sis, Patti (aka Marshy aka Pattan) has been doing Bible Study with me and Andy. This morning my brother told her he was going to tell my mom that she was studying Jesus Christ, and that made me so mad. I asked him why and he said somethin like, "One of your friends who believes in Jesus has a Bible study." Which made no sense to me and I was like, "Yeah so?" Then he mentioned how mom and dad didn't believe in it. I told him just because they didn't believe doesn't mean my sister can't. Obviously my mom does believe if she asked a pastor to come to our house to pray for her. My brother can be very argumentative sometimes. Oh well. Everyone's gone now and our house is much quieter except the NASCAR race on tv, ugh, can't stand it, sooooooooooooo boring!!! I feel really bad, my mom just asked me why I wasn't in the circle, she expected me to be right there with her :-( I don't know why but pastors make me nervous, not even any specific pastor, just all pastors. I just get nervous talking to them. People are always wanting to see what I'm doing on here and I'd rather they not know cuz this is my one safe haven where I can write my weird, random, crazy, rambling thoughts without anyone questioning me and being nosy. By anyone, I mean my fam. There's just some things I'd rather they not know, as I'm sure we all do. I just want to thank everyone for their prayers and concern regarding my mom and such. They mean alot to me and my mom. So thank you again. I love you all. I'm not sure when I'll be on here again. So yeah. Adios amigos!! I'll be sure to keep in touch with y'all!! :-)

Blah blah blah

Once again I find myself home alone, this time not for good reasons. My mom was at work yesterday and coughed. She heard something pop in her back and called my dad to bring her home cuz she was in pain. She was able to move around. This morning, however, she was much worse. She could only walk when my dad supported her. Her leg went numb and she started having chest pain. So my dad called an ambulance. When it pulled into the driveway my mom asked me to pray for her, for God to take away her pain. I hate seeing my mom like that. She's usually the strong one, the one who gets the family through everything. So it hurt me inside to see her so weak. I know it kills my dad inside to see her in so much pain. I've been praying and praying and praying. It's all I can do. It's the only thing I know to do. I just wish I had someone here I could talk to, I just need someone to hug me and tell me everything's gonna be ok, but I know I won't believe it wholly because God's the only one who knows that.
On a side note, my parents are considering co-signing a loan for me so I can go back to Oz, I would be eternally grateful to them if they did. I can't believe I'm going to be going to camp in 5 days!! I think I'm mainly writing this to keep my mind busy. I'm trying so hard not to question why thses things happen. I'm trying to believe that God has plans for us to prosper, not to harm us. I need to be strong, for my dad and my siblings.
Another side note, I read a book in high school called My Sister's Keeper. It's coming out in theaters on June 26th!! I am so excited. I want to see it!! I love that author, Jodi Picoult. Anyway, I'm done here. Adios.

Another boring day in the life of me

I feel like I have no life cuz I've written so many blog posts lately. I was at the lady's house today and when I was leaving I told her that her daughter, Alison, would be coming soon. And she said "Oh really? I don't like dealing with her, and I don't think she likes me either." I found it kind of sad that a mother doesn't even know if her own daughter loves her or not. It's sad. Her birthday's on Friday, she'll be 66, even though she looks like she's at least 80. I feel bad whenever I leave cuz when I tell her I'm leaving, she gets so sad. In one week, I'll be at my summer camp job, which I'm kinda excited about and kinda not. I think I mentioned that in my previous post, oh well. I finished Genesis last night!! Now on to Exodus. I am soooo excited. Lately whenever a problem arises I find myself praying about it right away, on the spot. I'm so tired, Andy and I were supposed to have a 7 AM Bible Study but he was super tired so it didn't happen. And once I'm up and showered, I can't get back to sleep. I've learned so much through our bible studies. I love it cuz then you learn how you can apply what you learned to your daily life. I was looking through my high school yearbook from when I was a senior and couldn't believe all the people I had completely forgotten. Boy am I glad I am DONE with high school. Please keep praying for my aunt guys, the doctors don't know what kind of tumors are on her liver so they sent her tests to the Mayo Clinic. I am so excited to have the next four days off!! Even though tomorrow I will be helping my dad outside with yard work. And my sister has her high school spring chorus concert tomorrow night. At the lady's house, I found this HUGE Bible! I'm gonna be putting pics of it up on FB, let's hope it cooperates. Lately it doesn't want to. Ok, I'm running out of things to say except I love you all muchly and so does Jesus!!!!!! Rock on homies :-)