I don't feel like a title

The walls are closing in aorund me, there seems to be nowhere to turn. Fear grips my heart. Fear that things will never get better with my parents. Fear that I will one day lose them without being able to say goodbye and "I love you." Fear that I will never truly belong in our "family." Fear that I won't be able to come back next year due to financial issues. All these things I fear. I am quickly losing sight of the One who matters. My faith is weakening, the enemy is closing in. I'm beginning to believe He's not worth the struggle. I can't even bring myself to read my Bible, I feel like BASIC is becoming a waste of my time, except the worship part :) I have yet to really learn anything there. I really liked the meeting where the men and women split up though. That was cool. I fear I will never become the woman God wants me to be, no matter how hard I try. On the other hand, I've changed so much. Recently, I haven't been on the greatest terms with my parents. And today my mom said my dad is worried about me. Ok, going off on a tangent for a second. My biological mom has schizophrenia and depression. It got so bad, she would just shut everyone out and not let anyone try to help her. My dad has been worried the same thing is gonna happen to me, even though I know it's not. I don't know how to reassure him of that. My mom told me my dad misses the close relationship we used to have, in her words, "he misses his dee." And it makes me really sad that I didn't even notice the change in our relationship. But now I'm gonna try my best to bring it back to what it was because it makes me sad that my dad doesn't think I love him. I just feel like I need to talk to someone but the one person I really want to talk to is hundreds of miles away in Australia. Anyway, enough rambling for now. <3 you all!!!