Ugh, I hate this feeling hopelessness. I have applied for many loans and so far, all of them need a cosigner. My parents are unable to cosign for me so unless something big happens, I won't be able to come back next semester. It saddens me that this could possibly be my last semester here, although I am praying, praying, praying for God to help me in some way. Lately, I've been feeling like our "family" is no longer what it once was. There are the few really close ones who do almost everything together, and then there are the not so close ones, who are left out and forgotten occassionally. I'm not accusing anyone of anything, I think it's done unintentionally, but it's just something I've observed and experienced. I miss the family meetings we used to have last semester, I just think it brought us all so much closer together. There's so much more, I just don't know how to put it into words. I need to talk to someone so much but I feel no matter who I talk to, it's not the right person. I'm not looking for pity here. In fact, something my parents have noticed while raising me, I'm the type of person who needs to be pushed, pushed out of this rut, it's not anyone's pity I look for but someone who cares enough to tell me straight up what's what and encourage me to do whatever I can to make things better for myself. I don't think we encourage one another enough, I hear more putdowns than encouraging words in daily conversation and it's not right. Yesterday, on the breakwall, we all helped each other out and encouraged each other. It was nice, ya know? We should do it more often. I promise, my next blog will be a happy one :)
Dee
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