I wish everything was la-di-da-di-da. But at the moment, it's not. Fear has been a big factor in my life recently, ok so maybe it's always been a factor, now that I think about it. This time, there's also a lot of doubts running through my mind. I've been asking myself, why should I keep believing in God and trying to live for Him? No matter how much I want to, I just can't make myself believe in Him fully, there's always a nagging doubt. I feel like prayer is useless, it's become something I do out of habit, not because I want Him to do things in my life, I mean I do but, ugh, i don't know. I guess I feel like my faith only runs surface deep. I hear about all these miracles and amazing things happening in peoples' lives and I tell myself I believe they happened but deep down, I don't, it's one of those "see it to believe it" things maybe? My major is childhood education with a concentration in English, but now I've decided to change it to just English. I don't feel like teaching is the way to go, but I also don't have anything else in mind, except I've been entertaining the thought of possibly opening a bookstore or library, preferrably a bookstore cuz they make money ;-) But I also like the idea of a library so people, especially little kids can come in and just pick a book and be able to read it without paying any money. Maybe I'll do both!! Anyway, I haven't read my Bible in who knows how long and lately I've been forgetting to pray. It frustrates me and yet, I don't have the motivation or will to change any of it. I think I just need a revelation of some sort or something, because right now, I'm in a rut and I think I'm gonna be here for awhile.
<3 Dee
1 comment:
don't worry dee! we all get into these sort of things. i myself seem to have a running cycle of them. you'll get out of it, you just need to hold on and stay in there. listen to shawn mcdonald, especially his song, "hold on" it's a good one and will be helpful i think, at least it helps me! love you and praying for you!
love heather
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