Where's Waldo?

I called my house tonight. And it turns out the tumor on my mom's liver isn't cancerous, but the doctors are going to keep an eye on it. However, my grandpa is going back to Syracuse tomorrow to get a heart catheterization and surgery on his heart, both of which are dangerous with the way his health is. My fish just went sideways, I think he's really dying this time :( Anyway, I know God will take care of him (my grandpa, not my fish), and keep His hand over the situation. It still worries and saddens me though.

I have no idea where to go with any of what was said. I'm sorry I couldn't give you the answers you wanted. Actually, I don't think I am. I am sorry our friendship has come to this. Honestly, I don't see it improving anytime soon. It seems whenever you want to "talk," all you do is point out flaws I have. That's not what we're supposed to be about. Now I feel like everytime I talk or speak or do anything, I'm going to be questioning myself in my head, wondering if I'm copying someone or being myself. I'm going to be asking myself if this is my true personality. I already am with this blog post. Is this what I would say? If not, what would I say? I'm a little angry, I'm a little hurt, but most of all, I'm numb. I don't know what I feel. All I know is I'm starting to not care about our friendship anymore. I can be civilized and polite and friendly. But to ever reach the point where we were, almost best friends I'd say, I don't see it happening. The only person I am ever going to change for is God. I'm growing, I'm imperfect. But guess what? So are you. We all are. And that is why need our Savior. In Him, we are made perfect. Not through anyone else. I am never going to be perfect, and I am never going to pretend I am. And neither should you. Or anyone. I'm done with this. I guess we'll just have to see where the road takes us. But I think this friendship is pretty much sunk.

I felt really happy when you asked me what you did. I felt like it showed the trust you have in me. It makes me happy to know I've started to gain that trust. If I hadn't already. I dunno. Anyway, yeah.

I need a mental health day or something. I want to just go somewhere. That wouldn't solve anything though. I feel like a lot was left unresolved tonight, and not with just me and someone else, but with everyone. I don't know how to go about fixing whatever it is that's the issue. I know I should go to Erin, but she scares me. I love her, but I find her kind of intimidating. Maybe that's the kind of person that's needed in this situation.

I can't express enough how grateful I am to each and every one of you. You've all helped and encouraged me. I love you all. It's times like this when I realize how much we truly need each other for love and support. I'm so emotional lately. Well, I think we all have been, actually. Blah. I gotta go to bed, I gotta be up at 8. Maybe I'll not go to my workstudy job. No, I need the money. I have to go. I have to go. I have to go. That reminds me! I have a $20 in my pants pocket. I better get it before I forget. Toodles.