Random Thoughts

Ok, so this is my first blog post since forever. And I was bored so I thought why not? Good way to procrastinate also, haha. This year has flown by and for me things are so different from last year, I feel like last year never even happened. When I look back, I realize how different I have become and how who I was then wouldn't recognize who I am today. This will probably be a really long one but I've got nothin but time right now. So, in eighth grade, I went through a lot with soem friends and now because of it I find it really hard to trust someone right away. That's why it's taken me so long to get clsoer to some of you amazing people :) Anyway, I'm glad I have because for once in my life I feel like I belong and I know I am loved, something I used to have a hard time feeling. And then I think it was my senior year of high school, I was extremely nervous about starting college, an irrational fear I know, but I was petrified. And my parents thought I was depressed so they sent me to see a "doctor" who I never cooperated with because I disagreed and didn't want to be there. Eventually, he realized I was not willing to cooperate so he decided to send me to a "doctor" in Oswego, who gave me an anti-depressant, which I eventually stopped taking since it was doing absolutely nothing for me. At first, when I first started seeing the doctor at home, my parents told me it so I could find myself and help me decide what to do in life. Then another time, they told me it was because I needed help, mentally. That really hurt and I decided if they were going to force me to go, I wasn't going to cooperate.
So I came to Oswego, not knowing what to expect, but I was rooming with my sister so it wasn't too bad. I remember, it was during dinner, we decided to just sit with random people (Bridgette and Chen Shen). We went swimming in the lake except Chen Shen since she didn't know how to swim. One day, during lunch, Bridgette saw someone she knew, Nick, so we sat with him and honestly the first thought that ran thoruhg my head was "Oooh, he's cute!" Then I thought, "He's probably stuck up or something so what's the use?" Boy was I wrong! He invited me to go to CCM with him and I did, mainly because I saw it as a chance to just be around him. At that point, I could have cared less about God or the Bible or anything like that. I used to be one of those skeptics who would scoff at the mention of any of it. So freshman year passed with hardly any incident. Then in May, the Thursday of finals week, I was in Nick's room haingin out and he helped me pray a prayer of Salvation. at the time, I had no idea what it meant or how important adn meaningful it was. Afterward, I did feel this huge burden I didn't know I had, be lifted off my shoulders. I left Oz and worked at an FFA summer camp. The second day, however, I accidentally threw myself out a window and had to get stitches in my forehead, the doctor said I was extremely lucky I didn't die and there must've been an angel on my shoulders(if you wanna know the whole story, ask :) ) Anyway, thus ended my freshman year. Up next, Fall 08 semester.