Lately, I've been feeling so lost and hopeless. For those who don't know, my dad and I got into a fight, he was pretty much going to delete me from his life. But things are slowly starting to look up. Ever since last Thursday, I think I have cried at least once everyday. People have shown concern, which I greatly appreciate. I really do. I almost didn't go to BASIC tonight. For 3 main reasons. One, I didn't want to. Two, to do homework instead. and three, because I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid Annette if I went. I'm so glad I did though! It was super encouraging, Anthony read from James, which is ironic because I read James last night. I realized I can't expct anything to change by doing absolutely nothing. I have to help fight this battle of my mind. It's bound to get a little bloody but it'll all be worth it in the end. I was so, so close to just saying screw it all, to put it bluntly. But during BASIC, I just felt this peace and I knew I wasn't alone in this fight. God is with me. He'll take care of me. God knows I need it, haha. My talk with Annette went really well. I was so happy to just get it off my chest. I think I'm in love with the DiPierro's. They are both wonderfully amazing!
I feel like I'm starting to lose you as my twin. It makes me sad. I never see you anymore. One of the reasons I got upset at BASIC was because I felt like she was stealing you from me, I've felt that a lot lately. I feel like you've found someone better and more fun. Kinda hurts. I pray I'm wrong though.
I feel my heart being pulled in so many different directions. So many conflicting emotions. I am kind of scared that one day I am going to act on certain feelings even though I know I shouldn't. But I don't think I will. Just an irrational fear. Sometimes I think I don't even have the right to feel the way I do, because there are others.
Here's to hoping things start looking up and stop looking so hopeless.
No comments:
Post a Comment