I LOVE GOD! I LOVE GOD! I LOVE GOD! I can't say it enough. This past weekend was superly amazingly incredible, I think it was my fave BASIC Conference thus far. Where to start? Friday night! worship was amazing, then we were treated to thre very interesting and entertaining Pastor Jude however you spell his last name...he was great! I went up during the alter call and a red dot leader came up to me and I told her what I've been struggling with and she prayed for healing for me. Throught it all, I wanted to be emotional, I wanted to cry...I couldn't. Then Annette asked ot pray for me but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to tell her what I had just told a total stranger. I felt so cleansed and liek I was wlaking on air when the red dot leader was done. I refuse ot let Satan rule me anymore! Then we went to Denny's and celebrated Shonda's birthday!! I love her. I paid for her dinner, even though they took off most of the price of her dinner cuz it was her birthday :) BEST part of the evening: Ryan's encounter with the cop and having fun with the waiter. I love how going to Denny's is almost always an adventure. Then came Saturday, too quickly. I liked the women's session but I feel like it needed to be more energizing and challenging for us as women of God. Then Saturday morning's session with Pastor Jude (love him). His message really hit home for me and I'm going to be downloading that software onto my computer at some point. Hopefully today. Then the pizza party. It was fun, I wish it was a dance party though, where we could dance to 80's music. Dinner that night was at Ryan's house, yummy lasagna mixed with karaoke, it was a fun, relaxing time. Pastor Jude spoke for the last time Saturday night, which was my fave part of the weekend. When he was talking about going to China and preaching the Gospel, something just opened up and I started crying from this inexplicable grief. Well, I think I know why I felt it, but I'm afraid I could be wrong but at the same time, I don't want to be right. So we'll see. That was probably really confusing, but oh well. Um, what else? OH! I'm thinking about the possibility of going to China with Campus Target. I'm so scared though. So scared. Like when I think about it, I feel myself getting ready to cry. I don't want my fears to get in the way of doing what God wants me to do. I'm gonna be doing alot of praying. ALOT. There are so many reasons for me not go, and the funny thing is, school isn't one of them, haha. I'd have to say money and my family are my 2 biggest reasons. Anyway, anything else? Sunday morning was pretty good, with Todd Cavanaugh speaking about how we're royalty and we were meant to live above alcohol and sex and drugs. So so true. I think thats about it. On the way back, it was funny watching Shonda and Spink throw brownies at Ryan's car. And seeing Miss Hopson was awesome!
On a less happier note, it's amazing how much you can learn about a person when you have to ride in the same car as them for awhile. I found myself getting frustrated and annoyed at Nick alot this weekend. Most of it occurred while in his car, I think. It wasn't anything specific either, it was mostly little things. I felt like a jerkface when I did get annoyed with him though. Idk, I feel like these complicated feelings are dissipating, and yet other, more complicated feelings have arisen. Argh.
I am so afraid. I'm afraid I'm going to go back to the way I was before the conference. Not reading my Bible, not really praying, not reaching out. I don't want to. I am so afraid it's going to happen though, whether I notice it or not. Im afraid I won't be able to flee from the devil and temptation. I have to though, I have to. I refuse to go back. I don't want these to be ust words, I want them to be actions. You know what? I need to have faith. Faith that God really has changed my heart, my thoughts. HE HAS HEALED ME! I refuse to believe otherwise. And that's my weekend in a nutshell, haha. Now I need to actually apply all of what I've learned to my life. I can do it! Watch out world, it's a justified, sanctified, unashamed, loved by God me!
<3 Dee
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