I'm tired. Should be studying for my math final. I don't think I'm gonna. Instead I'm going to entertain you with this blog post, although I don't know exactly how entertaining its going to be, haha. Lately, especially during Church and BASIC, and mainly during worship, I just start crying. I think I have an idea why. My dad has been on my heart a lot lately and my heart just cries for him. I also think some of it is guilt. Guilty for being so doubtful of God and so...idk. I think the guilt as ohas to do with the fact I find it hard to forgive myself for alot of things. I know I say mean things to people, or on Facebook, to my friends, to my family. And then they forgive me, sometimes quickly, sometimes not as quickly. I just always feel like I don't deserve their forgiveness, at all. I think of myself as a horribe person and I can't forgive myself for being horrible. Am I making sense? Aghablagha. I feel guilt for thinking God has turned his back on me. In my head, I know He hasn't, but in my heart, I dunno what's going on there. Or is it the other way around? I has not a clue. I wish my heart weren't so confusing, I'm beginning to think it ha a mind of its own, haha. I just know I'm in the dark, searching for the light that I've lost and desperately need back.
Today, I got a hug from Anthony DiPierro, it was awesome. One more week! Time has flown by. Crazy stuff. I realized there's less than 2 weeks til Christmas! Whoa! Anyway, I am going to go milk a cow or shave my head or something. Adios!
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